Three Simple Steps before Your Marriage

#1 Get an outline for your future!

First it is important to agree that you envision the same goals for your future.  For example, both of you really want to live _____ fill in the blank.  You will have kids in ______ fill in the blank.  Create a plan of how you’ll stay healthy.  Discuss your physical preferences and health issues openly.  You certainly do not want to miss out on years of wonderful sex life.  Incorporate other ideas that make you feel great about being together.  I am sure there will be many!  Once you finalized them put them into a Strategy/Common Goals Document.  It’ll be fun to revisit every so often :o)

 #2 Get your money matters figured out!

What is your current net worth individually?  Both of you will work or just one of you. Your money will be individually managed or will you have combined accounts?  Have a conversation with a lawyer or an experienced financial planning professional individually or together to understand your legal and financial risks associated with a very unlikely future separation.  See our video blog on the benefits of Pre-Nuptial agreements: http://www.youtube.com/user/NeizvestAcademy/videos

Have an open conversation with each other about what your concerns might be.  Keep everything in perspective: “money conversations” before marriage will save you from future trouble that could cause a separation or a divorce.  According to a New York Times article frequency of disagreements about money had a direct correlation with the likelihood of divorce (Rampell).

 #3 Get your wedding planned!

When you plan your weeding remember that it’s just one day out of a lifetime of wonderful celebration of your love.  So don’t go broke and don’t over stress.  Reality is, someone has or will have a better wedding!  You can do something lovely, tasteful and fun with out spending half of your savings. 

My opinion:  Weddings are to celebrate your marriage and have a fun time.  You should get clothes that make you feel hot and comfortable.  Find a destination/place that will help you be comfortable.  Invite only the people that matter to you now.  As you go through years of your marriage you will have many opportunities to celebrate your success and happiness in follow up “anniversary” weddings where you can say your “I Do” over and over again.

Reference:

Rampell, C., 12/07/2009, Money Fights Predict Divorce Rates, New York Times, retrieved on March 30, 2012 from:

http://economix.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/12/07/money-fights-predict-divorce-rates/

A couple of my favorites:

Frankel, L., May, 10 2005 Nice Girls Don't Get Rich: 75 Avoidable Mistakes Women Make with Money http://www.amazon.com/Nice-Girls-Dont-Get-Rich/dp/044657709X

De Angelis, B., June, 14 1993.  Are You the One for Me?: Knowing Who's Right and Avoiding Who's Wrong
http://www.amazon.com/Are-You-One-Me-Avoiding/dp/0440215757

Win Win

A coined phrase from Stephen Covey's book https://www.stephencovey.com/7habits/7habits.php

But when you think of a Win Win in terms of your Happiness also perceived as your Quality of Life and financial dilemmas it gets complicated. I personally understand the ideas that have been perpetuated by clever marketing specialists (check out: http://www.buyologyinc.com/books.html) to make us feel good to own a very expensive luxury item (car, boat, bag, etc). But in some cases these clever people get us to make daily choices that keep us in a pay check to pay check mode.

To make it more fun for everyone to try and "break free" from the Jedi tricks of marketers I thought it could be great to imagine yourself as a baby in the middle of a beautiful and safe environment. Try it!

I think my life could be perfect if I had healthy food, clean space to inhabit, ability to exercise year round, not having to worry about having to pay my bills for a few years (a strong savings account)... Yes, I know I am supposed to be a baby but I am being a realistic baby :o)

Anyway, when you imagine this existence do you also imagine specific brands around you? If so the Jedi mind tricks played by the marketers are effective.

I posted a couple of blogs that had to do with drafting a budget. If you would like to try and develop your own budget and see how much of it is spent on the wonderful luxury items and daily/weekly items that are wonderful but are not necessary for your survival.

Now set a goal for your future and see if it is within reach given your current career trajectory and your ability to save.